What I Know
by wharfcoyote
Summary: On the August 10th edition of Raw, Roman and Dean cut a promo proclaiming how close they are and how well they know each other. When Seth inadvertently runs into them later that night, he proves that he knows a thing or two about them as well. One-shot.


Promo from Monday Night Raw, 8/10/15

 _Dean: I didn't really have a lot of friends growing up. I kinda feel like I missed out. It mighta been nice to have a pal, you know, someone to play catch with, someone to steal cars with. Luckily, as I got older, I did have a friend, because, trust me, you always want to have someone to call when you get arrested in Laredo or any other Mexican border town—_

 _Roman: Stop, stop, stop. I'm sorry. I—_

 _Dean: It's true._

 _Roman: I think what he's trying to do is: I'm your first real friend you've ever had, right?_

 _Dean: Yeah... but I'm pretty fun to hang out with._

 _Roman: Of course, of course. This is the thing. Bray Wyatt continues to talk about family. The only thing I know is Luke Harper will do anything for Bray…_

 _Dean: But Bray Wyatt wouldn't do the same thing for Luke Harper._

 _Roman: See, we're brothers. You guys aren't even friends. He knows me. We've been through war together all over the world. Pop quiz: How do I take my coffee?_

 _Dean: Hot, with a little bit of sugar._

 _Roman: Little bit. And my water?_

 _Dean: Room temperature._

 _Roman: And my beer?_

 _Dean: Ice cold._

 _Roman: Boom!_

 _Dean: Bray and Luke, we're gonna put your twisted little family ties to the test tonight and at SummerSlam._

 _Roman: Believe that._

* * *

 _Later that night..._

Roman sighed as he checked the time on his phone. Dean was late. Again. He placed his water bottle on the roof of his rental car, leaned against the driver's side door, and began to check his email. He knew that he could wait for Dean inside the car, but the thought of spending even a second more than he absolutely had to trapped inside yet another vehicle made him cringe. Finally he heard the sound of familiar footsteps approaching. "Great. You're finally here. What took you so long?" he asked briskly without looking up from his phone.

"I wasn't aware you were waiting for me," Seth's voice answered.

Roman looked up in surprise just as Seth, a gym bag on one shoulder, the WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt on the other, shoved past him rudely, forcing him even closer to his car. Seth popped open the trunk of the car beside Roman's, an innocuous gray Toyota Corolla, and deposited his gear inside.

"I wasn't," Roman answered gruffly. "I was waiting for my _brother_."

Seth grabbed his chest dramatically and stumbled backward. "Oh, that hurts, Roman," he said sarcastically. "A real shot to the heart." Seth straightened back up, slammed the trunk shut, and walked around the car toward his door.

"I see your taste in cars hasn't improved since you sold out," Roman commented.

"I like to save my money for more important things," Seth answered blandly.

"Yeah, I know."

Oh, you know, do you?" Seth replied. "You better be careful there, Ro, claiming to know things about me. You and Dean might start thinking it means something."

"What?" Roman asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is that not one of the questions that determines whether you're family or not?" Seth sneered. "You know, how do you take your coffee? Your water? Your beer? Your rental car?"

"So you watched our promo?" Roman smirked.

"Of course, I watched your promo. I watch everything. I'm observant. No need to get all smug about it." Seth reached down and placed his hand on the door handle but didn't open the door. "It's all bullshit, you know."

"What?"

"Those stupid questions! They don't prove anything. Hell, I can answer them too," He released the door handle and pointed to his chest. "I can answer them even better than Dean. How do you take your coffee? Yes, black with just a little bit of sugar. But I also know that you prefer a nice medium roast and that you try to limit yourself to only one cup per morning. And yes, I know that you like your water room temperature, but I also know that you absolutely hate throwing away plastic water bottles so you lug that stupid reusable bottle around with you wherever you go." Seth pointed at the water bottle resting on the roof of Roman's car. "As for your beer, I happen to know that you prefer a nice Mexican beer, and that when you drink it with a lime, it makes you feel like you're on vacation. So what about it, Roman? Do I pass your little pop quiz? Am I family now?" he asked mockingly.

Roman opened his mouth to respond, but Seth cut him off.

"Wait, wait. I've got more. I can do Dean too." Seth paused, catching sight of Dean who weaving his way through the parking lot. "Why speak of the devil," he said as Dean walked up to stand next to Roman.

"What's going on here?" Dean asked, looking curiously from Roman to Seth.

"Oh, we were just discussing how you like your coffee," Seth answered nonchalantly. "Hot and black. And I'm pretty sure that those are your _only_ qualifications since I've seen you drink coffee that tastes worse than mud. As for how you like your water? I'd say, from someone else's cooler, because you never remember to bring your own. And your beer? Cheap and plentiful." Seth glanced back and forth between Dean and Roman. "So, am I right? Are we BFFs now? Or is there more to the test?"

Dean dropped his bag to the ground. "I guess your new t-shirt isn't lying when it says that you never shut up."

"Ha, ha, ha," Seth said slowly, fixing his gaze on Dean. "For someone who's supposed to talk a lot, I think I've actually been quite _discrete_ with what I have and haven't said."

Roman narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Seth answered, shifting his eyes to Roman, "that you and Dean should be on your knees thanking me for not exposing you for the kind of people you really are. For playing the villain so you two can continue to bask in the adulation of the crowd. Well, Dean anyway. The crowds are a little less sold on you, Ro. It must sting that the only way you can get cheered is by leaching off Dean's popularity."

Roman balled up his fists and stalked over to Seth. "You sold out! You screwed us over! And you have the balls to say that you are only _playing_ the villain?"

"That's right," Seth said, his voice steely. He stood nose to nose with Roman, refusing to back up even a step. "Because I know something else about your boy Dean. Not only do I know how he takes his coffee. I know how he takes his women." Seth turned to stare at Dean. "Cute, blonde, and _taken_."

Roman took a step back. "What?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," Seth snapped, cutting his eyes at Roman, then returning his glare to Dean. "You slept with my girlfriend, you sorry son of a bitch! And you knew about it and didn't tell me!" he exclaimed, looking at Roman. "So you two should just be happy that I decided to keep that little bit of information to myself. Because it might really mess up this narrative of me being the nasty backstabber that you two seem to like so much."

Roman took a couple more steps back, surprised by Seth's outburst.

"How… how did you find out?" Dean asked tentatively.

"How did I find out?" Seth repeated, his anger suddenly settling into weariness. "Haven't you ever heard that old joke about the best ways to spread information? Telegraph, telephone, tell a wrestler? You told Roman. He must have told someone else. That person told someone else. And pretty soon it made its way back to me. And the funny part is that I didn't even believe them." Seth ran his fingers through his already messy hair. "I talked to Katie, and she assured me that nothing was going on. So, I let it go. I put it out of my mind for months despite the whispers I couldn't avoid backstage. And then one day I was at home, and I accidentally found the texts. I wasn't even looking for them! I was just trying to find a phone number."

"Look, man, it only happened once, and I—" Dean said.

"Do you think that makes it any better?" Seth interrupted. "Look, I don't want to hear anything you've got to say. You and Roman just go do your little bromance thing, and leave me the hell alone. Oh, I found the photos too. Real classy. I've got them saved. Just so you know. Just in case."

"Wait, there are photos?" Dean asked.

"Yes, there are photos, you sick bastard!" Seth yelled. "You want to take a look?" He began to take his cell phone out of his pocket. "Maybe now would be a good time to share them with the world!"

"Look, Seth," Roman interrupted, "I know you're mad. But it's not like you were even faithful to Katie."

"Really, Roman? Really?" Seth asked, temporarily forgetting about the phone. "That's the defense you're going with? Dean screwed around with your girlfriend, but it's okay because you cheated first? Well, screw you! Because I never cheated on Katie. Not one time! But even if I had? It still wouldn't make this right."

"Really? You're gonna claim that you never slept around?" Roman returned skeptically. "But what about all those nights you didn't stay in our hotel room?"

"I was staying in a private hotel room! All by myself! Alone! Just like I told you!" Seth yelled. "I'm surrounded by people all the damn time. Sometimes I just need a little time to myself where I can hear myself think. But I'm glad to find out that you think I'm such a sleazebag on top of everything else."

"But why didn't you ever talk to me about it, though?" Dean asked, walking over to join Roman. "You know, confront me or something."

"Because I didn't want to talk to you! I didn't want anything to do with you. All I wanted to do was hit you over and over again with something hard. So I did. And it felt good. You know, people ask me all the time if I regret what I did to you two. Now I have the opportunity to look you both in the face and tell you, no. I really, really don't. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner." Seth shoved his phone back into his pocket and opened the car door. "Oh, and by the way, Dean, just so we're clear. It was me who bailed you out of that jail in Laredo. Roman was too hungover." He climbed into the car and slammed the door. Then he stuck his keys into the ignition and rolled down his window. "Just stay out of my way and everything can stay the way it has been," he said, looking through the window at his former brothers. "You two can continue to pretend to be the perfect good guys, and I'll pretend to be the terrible traitor. Just leave me alone."

"But why do you want it that way?" Dean asked, almost to himself, as Seth was closing the window.

"Because if I'm the good guy then I can't go around curb stomping your head into cinder blocks," Seth answered. Then he pulled out of the parking space and sped away, never looking back.


End file.
